sowing

As I sit here in my bed, propped up by exactly two feather pillows, my mind races thinking of one hundred things I want to tell this seemingly invisible blogger world. I am honestly not even sure anyone will see this post being that I haven't written one thing in over a year. I have never been one to pencil and paper write....I attempt to every year and it never lasts for more than two weeks. So blogging, in ways, is my journaling. Here I am. Here is 2014. And here, in this place, I am convinced that if life is completely different than you expected and even desired, then you are probably exactly where He wants you. If life had gone exactly as I had planned, then Jesus wasn't a priority. Because it isn't about what I want or what I don't want. It's ONLY about what the Lord wants or doesn't want for me. That's it. The good news is that we know that His plan for us is so much bigger and better than any plan we have for ourselves. So that's what I rest in. Recently I watched a series by Stephen Furtick and the message was built on Galatians 6:9 (a verse I have clung to over the past six months). Furtick says there are three things we need to know: 1) you always reap what you sow, 2) you always reap more than what you sow, and 3) you always reap later than you sow. Oh, how true this is! And how awesome that the Lord knew exactly what I needed to hear at that very moment (it always amazes me when He does this). This world can be cruel, and we know how horrible satan is. The enemy uses good things to hurt God's children. For instance, I have several friends who have had trouble with fertility, and when I look on Instagram (I'm sure facebook is the same) I see many people expecting.....this is awesome news! But I know it stings, to some extent, the couples that want so badly to be expecting. Or how about all the couples getting engaged or married....how great that is! But for the single girls I know, this can be hard at times. That's why Jesus has to fill every void. Life starts when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior, not when we get married or when we have kids. This has been something He has consistently revealed to me. I have prayed for years about adoption. If you know me, you know my heart beats for orphans and the idea that they can be loved, given Jesus, and accepted into a family that has prayed over and for them for years. That makes my heart happier than anything else in this world! In the process of praying about this, I always pictured myself doing this with a spouse. But God had different plans. Over the past couple of months, He has opened doors that I could not have opened and shut doors that I didn't necessarily want shut. Currently, I am being certified to be a foster parent. Yes, you read that correctly. And if your reaction is anything like mine when He confirmed this in me, it is one of unbelief and uneasiness. Am I qualified? Do I have what it takes? Will my finances be enough? Am I enough? And the answer is that I am not. But He is, and since it isn't about me, but all about Him then I have nothing to fear. Most of my fears are selfish......Am I going to have a life? Is anyone going to want to pursue me with a baby? But the truth is, that if God has called me to this (which there is nothing else that could have) then He will provide. He will sustain. He is enough. He hasn't failed me yet, and He is not going to start now. I planted myself in a class for 10 weeks (all in Faith) and He brought me a great friend, Lana. She is amazing and is also single and in education. Praise the Lord for even providing a friend to walk this journey with! As I begin this adventure, I am scared to death but beyond excited and expectant! There are so many questions that I have and prayers that I fling up to Him throughout the day. I always pray for Him to shut doors that I can't shut and open doors that I can't open. So now, the question is, do I trust Him to do that? Do I dig up in doubt what I know was planted in Faith? I have built my case before the Lord and He has led me to this place. And until He shuts a door, I will continue to walk through the open ones. I am going to use this blog to write about this journey. I commit to sowing the seeds in Faith that He leads me to sow, and waiting in Faith to see what comes from them!