Of.In.For.

That is what I want to be. A woman of God. A woman in God. And a woman for God. "She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She watches for bargains; her lights burn late into the night. Her hands are busy...She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy...She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindess is the rule when she gives instructions...Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise." Proverbs 31:17-20,25-26,31. This is what I aspire to be and yet, I am far from that. My lights don't burn late into the night. Shoot, I'm lucky to stay up past 9:00 (even on weekends). I'm not always kind, but instead more selfish. I often think that in order to be strong, I must appear strong. Thus, I have a hard time of letting anyone get too close. Thankfully, He is strongest in my weakest moments. I also lack much in the area of having no fear. I long to laugh with NO fear of the future. One thing I have learned about fear is this: The Lord won't always take it away, because He didn't give it in the first place. Sometimes He just wants you to walk through it with Faith..His Faith. I trust that God has great plans. I trust that He is preparing me for what is already prepared for me. I believe that even though we may ask for something, believing it to be His will, that He will purposefully say No (just to see how much we trust Him). His Yes doesn't always follow, but our trust in Him is necessary to accomplish anything He leads us to. If you think about it, fear is contagious. If one person is fearful, it is more likely that the surrounding people become fearful. But the same can be said of courage and bravery. They are both infectious. When we fear, we are essentially saying that the Lord isn't completely trustworthy. Lord, forgive me for my lack of faith. I stumble often. I fail much. But the Lord makes each day a new day. A day when I can start over. He is the only One that offers that kind of Grace. So why look for it in anything or anyone other than Jesus Christ? Lord, I want to be a woman after Your heart. Hide me away in You. I am two weeks away from leaving for the country that has stolen my heart. I wish I could say that I have not needed confirmation and affirmation that He still wants me to go, but I have needed it desperately. Praise the Lord He is Faithful, and I cannot deny His confirming words/actions/whispers. I am so thankful that He has been so bold and clear with this prayer. So ready or not, here I come!