unfamiliar paths

Unfamiliar paths. This is what I have been walking lately. My personality is one where direction is necessary...otherwise, I'm lost. Even if the process or length may take a little longer, I would rather travel down paths that I am familiar with. But right now, my path is very unfamiliar. It is just the path of "now" and this is not something I have lived in much. I tend to look forward, or backward, for that matter, when all He wants is me to just be in the NOW. He wants me still. He wants me to find my paths in Him. To leave the normal and explainable, and to travel with Him through the unknown. Ah, that is scary. Life's struggles and hurts are not areas where I can find direction other than to just stick with Him now. Honestly, I tend to make His Will way more complicated than it is. I would love to know exactly what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. I question whether or not I am in His will so much, that I can often hear Him saying "chill out Carrie, just keep walking." Ha! And that's precisely when He shows me that I won't know. I am actually clueless. That is where Faith comes in. I cannot save myself from hurt. I cannot run away from the sin of this world. But I can embrace Him and His plans. I can believe Him when He says that He has GOOD plans for me. I can trust that He has a purpose for the fire of suffering. I can have Faith that moves mountains. But instead.....I tend to be like the Israelites. I complain. My portion seems to be never enough, or not quite what I expected. Or possibly just not in the time that I requested. Nevertheless, it is my portion and I must learn to be thankful in the midst of disappointment. Because it isn't about me! Life is not about Carrie Clark. Life is solely about Him. That is where I struggle. I try to make it about me. I question the Lord's ways. I complain about the uncomfortable. But gosh, He has PROMISED good things. How do I grasp that? How do I remember that He loves me and He is working everything out for my good? How do I get this confidence? By being "woven into a tapestry of love so that I can know everything about Him that He wants me to" (Col. 2:2). By serving OTHERS. By loving Him. By thanking Him. That's how. I have to let go of the certainty that my life is going to be perfect. I have to let go of my cares, my hurts, my dreams, my hopes. I have to let it go and I have to commit my life to Him. I have to realize that He desires ME and that His desires for my life are far greater than any desires I have for myself. I know it breaks His heart when I fail to believe Him. I hate that. If He had great things in store for Israel, then He has great things in store for us. I long to serve Him. I long to bring others to Him. I want to introduce the world to my King. My Jesus. My Refuge. My Strength. That's all I want. My prayer is for Him to "set me up as a light for the nations so that His salvation becomes GLOBAL" (Isaiah 49:6). And "when the time is ripe, He will answer me. When victory is due, He will help me. He formed me and will use me to reconnect people to Him" (Isaiah 49:8). I believe that! My heart is for Jesus and my heart is clinging to His promises.