my feet stay dirty

My life for the past ten days has been filled with a mix of emotions. Joy, excitement, anxiety, frustration, sadness, and more.

Joy, when I think about how much our God loves me and you. How He finds us valuable no matter what we wear, what we make, or what we look like. He finds value in you. And because of that, our joy can abound in all circumstances, good or bad. I walk around and see things that used to be unimaginable to me. Families live in one bedroom “houses” with no air conditioning, electricity, or running water. The children have jobs that consist of walking car to car down the busiest road in Uganda begging each person for money. And let me tell you..when a 3 year old girl came up to the car window and begged us for money or food, it tore me up. I didn’t even know what to think, what to do, how to act. And this is done every single day by that same little girl. How do people live like this and still find Joy? I get to go home to a very nice house, plenty of fresh running water, air conditioning when it’s hot, heat when it’s cold, a washing machine and dryer, a car, a great job, and many more luxuries. And I still have trouble sometimes finding Joy. Why? There is not one need that I have that hasn’t been met, and yet the majority of Uganda has so many needs not met that aren’t even considered needs because of the lack of resources and finances. We went to a school today that consisted of children from poor families in Ugandan terms (which means, they were unthinkably poor in American terms). Most of the children came from homes filled with drugs, alcohol, and prostitution. These people think that the only way to earn money is to sell their bodies. How horribly twisted…..the one thing where God says he dwells the most is our body, His temple. So this school takes in children and tries to train and raise them in a Godly way. When we arrived, I basically felt like they were worshipping us. We got these fancy boas to wear around our neck, they threw flowers over the ground where we walked, and then we sat at the front of the school in nice chairs while everyone who was part of the leadership of the school came and spoke about how thankful they were for us to visit. It really made me uncomfortable, to be honest. But throughout the ceremony, I watched each child praise the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, despite their circumstances back at home. And that is what it is all about. Finding joy no matter what is going on. Finding joy in tough times, difficult situations, sad moments, and also when everything is great. That’s what hit my heart the most today. That I speak of Joy, but that it really is available in ALL things that come and go throughout my life.

Excitement and anxiety somewhat go together. I feel excited and anxious about what the Lord is doing in this country. Even though there is hurting and need, people are stepping out in Faith and obeying the call of the Lord. I can’t even think about the children at Sozo and their life before Sozo without my heart aching. But I look at them today and they are the happiest children you have ever seen. They are healthy and God has so much in store for them.

Frustration, when I really put my life’s worries in perspective. There is no need for it. I know this and yet it is still something I struggle with. Worry is worthless because I worry about something that MIGHT happen. I don’t think any of the people here worry about what I worry about and it has been such an eye-opener for me to witness this. I am about to have a birthday. It’s somewhat bittersweet this year. Definitely more sweet though! It’s sweet because I’m getting to celebrate a birthday in Africa doing the Lord’s work. It’s bitter because I worry. I worry sometimes that I am getting older and it seems things are slow to happen in some areas I would like for them to. But since I have been here, I have found such peace about where I am. More peace than I even thought possible. I get frustrated when my old ways start creeping up on me. God knows all and I know little. And I really like it this way. I also get frustrated when I think about home and how selfish and spoiled we all are. We demand the best everywhere we go. It amazes me to think about how upset we get about stuff that doesn’t really matter. For instance, how many of us would leave a poor tip if the waitress didn’t fill up our glass every time we needed it, right when we needed it. We feel like we need to provide justice; thus, we take from a lot of people so that things will be “fair” for us. Africa is full of injustice, especially when I think about the States and all that we have and all that is offered to us. Very few people have cell phones here, let alone phones that have access to the internet 24/7. We live in a demand society, where we complain if things aren’t available at the exact moment we “need” them. This part of home is what frustrates me the most. And this is the part of home that I do not miss.

I experience sadness at some point every day. That’s because every single day, I see people in need. I am not used to seeing this so my heart has really been stretched in all directions. It’s good to experience different emotions. We grow this way, at least I have. And I love that I can see God’s love for His children even in the midst of such circumstances. Now that I have shared my heart, and I fear that most of it has been somewhat depressing, I am going to share some African experiences I have had the privilege of participating in since I have been here.

I’m still not completely comfortable with the driving here, but I have learned that I like riding the moda-boda’s (as I call them) much more than I like riding in a car. I have found that my car-sickness intensifies in African traffic to a degree that is pretty miserable. So Saturday, we took a boda all the way to the Sozo house! This was a long trek, but I loved it! A couple of nights ago, Allen caught a geico in our apartment. I do not do any type of lizard, rodent, or bug very well. I have gotten a lot better with bugs since I have been here (I even slept with a spider one night-not on purpose- and I didn’t freak out). Well Allen threatened all the girls with this lizard for a few minutes and then attempted to grab it by its tail, possibly to dangle it in front of me. Little did he know, that geico thought it was in danger so its tail came right off as he was grabbing it. So he had the tail in one hand (still wiggling, might I add) and the body in the other. I was horrified! After putting the geico outside, he attempted to put the tail on my Kindle but I kindly asked him to remove it (I’m sure I threatened him with something, but we will stick with “kindly”). He took it to the kitchen where I thought he had thrown it away. Little did I know, he had put it in what he thought was a safe place for later use. Well later he went to get it and the ants had carried it off! By the way, our apartment is full of ants…everywhere. I found this pretty amusing, that’s why I shared it with you. I guess if you had been here, it would be a lot funnier! Last night we took a night “off” and went to dinner at Spurs, a steakhouse restaurant (yes, there is a steakhouse in Uganda). I had a hamburger, fries, and the best chocolate malt I have possibly ever had. Then we went to see the movie Robin Hood. I initially wanted to see something else, but was peer pressured into seeing this one. It was decent. Probably won’t see it again…..lots of fighting. But it was good for an action movie. Needless to say, last night was a lot of fun. So hopefully I have ended this post on a lighter note. More stories to come and more of my heart to share! Until then, I a thankful for all your prayers!